Sunday, July 15, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
i know who you were before, but now, this is what you've grown into :) and i'm proud of you
You say good morning, and good evening
The day is done, and you've come to find
The words are fleeting, I hear your quiet breathing
Is something wrong?
You come on two knees, with more than two needs
Finding that it's all too easy
To be helped and found
You slept and he said
It is in you, to carry on
It is in you, to lay down fears that hold
It is in you, to find your way home
Daylight's coming, the sun is blazing
New beginnings seep into you
But in the end it's distant shadows
That finally overwhelm your senses
And this time around
Is it love that you crown?
And this time around
You'll be more than who you are
It is in you, to carry on
It is in you, to lay down fears that hold
It is in you, to find your way home
Whoa oh oh oh...
Could you find yourself a way home?
It is in you, to carry on
It is in you, (ohh) to lay down fears that hold
It is in you, (ohh) to find your way home
today, i cried my last for you. but we'll see each other again, one day. for sure.
Monday, March 19, 2012
as far as i can tell, i don't really remember the last time i cried. since March of 2011? if so, then its been a year since i've cried a single drop. teared? yes. but mostly from yawning or if something gets in my eye.
ever since the events from the last post, i've become cold, immensely so. emotionless most of the time, i disallowed myself the luxury to even cry. it came to the point where i couldnt even cry when i felt like it. i thought i was broken beyond repair.
but tonight. tonight was the first time i've cried in a year. and as sad as it sounds, it was one of huge relief. crying is good. good for the soul. and tonight, i cried over... and over again. while typing and reading the words on my computer screen.
to you who might read this one day and know that it's you.
you're welcome :)
once a Bear
Thursday, February 09, 2012
hence, coming back to where i first started off. the first half of 2011 was fucked, the 2nd half was me picking up the pieces all over again. 2012? we'll see what happens, and it sure as heck isn't going to start off with another bout of depression.
Saturday, February 04, 2012
its been about a little over 2 years since i've posted anything on this blog. been about a year since i've even given it a slight peek.
i don't know for sure. but i guess its safe to say that at this point, i've tons of words and ideas in mind in which i need an outlet to abuse and leave it pouring, lest i implode inward.
updates from the past 2 years?
okay okay, here goes...
1. flew to the US as planned and transferred into Spring Arbor University (SAU), a Christian-dominated bubble that is the majority of the quaint little 6 mile-long town of Spring Arbor, Michigan to finish up my Bachelor's in Finance.
2. made my way up within the student body and got myself into the Student Government Association with the position of the university's International Student Representative (ISR).
3. worked my ass off as the ISR cause well, the university's still in its infancy years with housing international students and does not have a directorial position within the university for international students. so yeah, i was a student, from Malaysia, playing half the roles a non-existent director should be doing.
4. mostly scored A's in the courses i've taken within the 2 and a half years in SAU. here's proof:
5. made more friends than i can count, but decided towards the end of my time in SAU to only acquaint myself with most of them and only keep a select few a true friends.
6. officially graduated with a Bachelor's in Finance as of December 2011 (yay me!).
7. graduated with an CGPA of 3.76/4.00 (not being cocky, updating, is all). mom and dad, i hope your eldest and most mischievous of sons made you proud :) yes, i gave them a mega-hard time when i was a kid heh.
8. moved myself to the City of Chicago for better job prospects.
9. moved in with a Mexican family as a stepping stone. and yes, delicious Mexican home-made food almost everyday.
10. still jobless and bumming cause i dont have the proper documentations just yet in order to enable myself full job interviews. waiting for them in the mail.
12. going to be working here in Chicago for at least a year before heading back to school for Grad Studies.
13. this means i won't be headed home to Malaysia for at least a year and half. at most, 2 years.
14. called mom and told her about the news. she didn't sound all that happy cause well, i'm her momma's boy and yes, we do think about and miss each other.
15. i just cleaned up whatever it is Oreo (house dog here) puked out. it was thick, pale-yellow colored, frothy saliva. Eww. why? cause i was the one who saw it and he puked under the table i'm sitting at right now. oh joy.
so that's pretty much a brief summary of me. nothing in detail, really. but i guess that'll change as soon as i start posting more about life here in the US.
if you're reading this, it means you found/checked it out again by chance. cause i kinda decided to not let anyone know about the possible short-term revival of this blog. unsure about how long i'll keep it up but hey, enjoy :)
and i leave you with an updated photo of my miserable self taken with the blasphemy that is my webcam :D
Sunday, September 13, 2009
me went, me saw, me likey!
let’s backup and bit and retrace some parts i almost forgot about ahaha
before leaving Miri for Selangor, i wanted to make it a point to see most of my friends before i left cause hey, i’m not planning to come home any time soon, not even during my breaks and there’s always a possibility of me never coming back ever again. but hey, i’m still praying hard about that and i’ll follow God, wherever He leads me.
for lunch, i met up with Aunt Vivien along with her son, Aaron Yung and it was a much needed meet-up actually. a much postponed one too heh. as always, whenever the both of us do meet up, there’s ALWAYS not enough time to catch up with things going on in each other’s lives. that afternoon, we chatted for more than 3 hours and i was even charged 2 parking tickets for over-time-parking my car cause i got so lost in the conversation haha! the advices you given me, the outlooks and different perceptions to christianity and people you’ve shared, the rants and dissatisfaction you’ve made known to me, the laughs and inside jokes we’ve had over the years, you cradling me even when i was a baby, seeing me grow up into the nearly 20 year old self that i am today with your very eyes throughout the years, defiantly telling me off with all the justification you had, saying, “Moses, without a doubt i have complete trust in you that you will be able to take care of yourself all the way in the USA” after hearing my story and most important of all, being the best earthly emotional support i’ve ever had :]
Aunt Vivien,”Moses, remember that i’ve told you before that you’re like a son to me?”
Me, “yeah, i do. and i’m but ONE out of the many you apparently have right?”
Aunt Vivien, “yes, but you’re the oldest son in terms of maturity that i have”
(really, Aunt V, this made me smile so so wide inside :] i love you)
met up with a few of my high school friends for some drinks as well and they were from my class, mainly Terinder and Belinda. really glad that nothing’s changed much between us 3 tho. altho Bel and I haven’t hung out since CNY and Terinder since Form 5, we caught up so well and enthusiastic about each other’s lives, how screwed up things actually get in each other lives (esp with family members) and we relentlessly talked about anything, everything, and everyone around us :] just gotta love them
this would be Terinder and he’s still being the boss as always haha
sry Bel, no pic of you cause u looked… you know… and i didn’t feel too good about taking any photos of you then :]
we’ll take loads once i get back!
even made it a point to watch G.I. Joe with my lil bro Mark but felt kinda bad cause i invited Aaron, Abel and Janet along but hey, i still did have a great time with both them and lil bro Mark :]
when did i start taking pictures of myself - popularly known as cam-whoring?
i was rotting for 9 months in miri, go figure :]
but only started taking pictures of myself a month ago ahah
and no, i dont have an album of myself
and delete :)
James and i go wayyy back when we were both 9 and met in Grace Methodist Church. and Karen? we both go back to when we first became friends in primary school when we were 12. and James and Karen? they were both classmates throughout their 5 years in high school lol. Karen and I? we were both in the Marching Band and i was under the tyranny of Karen as the Percussion Leader and her the Band President. James and i? we both were roommates for a year when we headed to Taylor’s College to study with James in the South Australian Matriculation Prog and myself in the American Degree Transfer Program; we were RIDICULOUSLY crazy together, drove each other mad with conversations, screaming and howling like wolves and going out for eating and gaming sprees!!
James? you will always be the guy who got me into playing DOTA and getting out of it afterwards with me hating the game so much cause you kept pounding the crap out of me for being the worst player ever :]
Us three? we were all in our high school’s Prefectorial Board and also in its committee board with me as the Head of Assembly Emcee (the guy up on stage heading the assembly with the mic? that’s me), James as the Master Discipline for the Prefects (his job is to catch Prefects ahaha) and Karen as the Headgirl for the whole Prefectorial Board (hence, increasing the reach of her reign of tyranny and me having to carry out more orders aside from the ones i get from her in Marching Band ahaha!)
Karen? you’ll always be the girl i had a crush on before for the longest time in high school, i think ahaha! and you’ll always be the girl whom i went to to try to comfort whenever you broke down in tears or anger whenever leading the Marching Band. i don’t blame you, it WAS hard and even i would’ve broken down then :]
and you’ll also always be one of the very few Christian sisters i hold closest and dearest to me :]
the three of us has changed a lot since high school. those of which who knows me since then would’ve known how much of a showoff i was, which unavoidably turned me into a walking target for pretty much everyone in my class. let’s just say i was so bad in character that i had no friends in Form 1, only a handful in Form 2 (where i started working and changing in terms of character) and started gaining friends and trust from more people when i was in Form 3 (it wasn’t easy then really. actually thought of suicide a few times heh). the current me? well… that’s up to you to judge really. i’m all ears!
James was pretty much a really prideful and overly-cautious of the people around him kind of guy. it was really hard getting thru to him back then and it was kinda hard even when i lived with him as a roommate in Taylor’s. but God pulled thru and i managed to get thru to me, and him to me. we shared and opened up completely (i think) to each other about our lives and from there, it was very much by God’s grace and plan that we were paired up together as roommates because we became each other’s spiritual and emotional support when away from home. we became brothers. we still are :]
Karen back then was pretty much an emotional wreck when it came to stress (altho she’d prolly deny it ahaha) and even lashed out at me sometimes when good-hearted me wanted at least be some kind of emotional support for her (albeit having ulterior motives of somehow wooing her into liking me and such, IN WHICH is a very very very very bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad thing to do). now, it quite obvious that she’s grown in maturity and hopefully (i don’t know about this) not much of an emotional wreck anymore heh. otherwise, she’s pretty much the attractive girl she’s always been to me, in her own special way.
we met up together one last time for dinner and man, when i finally got a good look at Karen, WHAM! SUDDEN TRANSFORMATION FROM NORMAL-GOOD-LOOKING KAREN TO REALLY ATTRACTIVE LOOKING, PRETTY, SLIMMED FRAME, LOVELY SMILE, TOTALLY GORGEOUS LAYERED-CUT SHORT HAIR, WITH 3 INCH HEELS (WHICH MADE HER SINFULLY TALLER THAN MOI) AND A BRIGHT PERSONALITY TO BOOT. owh, and don’t forget the sudden boyfriend in her life, she’s not lesbian after all YAY! man, she was practically the most attractive girl-friend that i have so far! ahahah! be happy, Karen :]
the three of us talked a lot mainly about relationships that night and i don’t have to say anything about it here, but Karen? i really do hope that you’ll experience what we talked about at your own pace, His time and it’ll definitely be something you’ll see for as precious and never let go of :] i’m praying with all the love i have for you, as a lil bro and of course with the love God has for you too :]
Nai Yek’s a friend who works at the computer shop i always go to to buy computer hardware and honestly, i hardly spoke to him back in high school. but having not seen or heard from/of him since Form 5, seeing him again opened up long conversations and sharing with each other about what’s happened since Form 5. so whenever i head over to the shop, i’d chat with him for quite some time, asking about each other’s background and sharing advices. all the best for the baby hey. better let me carry him/her after i get back from USA!
lastly, the night before i left, i drove over to Alyssa Jaren’s house and chatted for quite a bit, listening to her rant about her SPM trials (HAHAH!) and so on, talking about Michigan, getting bitten by loads of mosquitoes and so on. and cause her dad locked the gate and we both have always pretty much been generous with hugs for each other, we hugged each other goodbye thru the bars of her house’s automatic gate anyways ahah! and yes Alyssa, i know you miss me and i miss you too :]
after that, i headed over to Aaron and Abel’s house. the 2 guys i first came to know are “brothers from another mother” lol! joked, crapped, laughed and teased each other for quite a bit before i left and honestly, i know that they both won’t miss me one bit.
that’s cause we have a bond, a relationship with a clear definition of love and care for each other where we all know that even if we don’t see each other for quite some time, when i do come back and we get together, we’ll still laugh and rant all we want together, strangerless amongst each other, but brothers always, as if i never left :]
me went, me saw, me likey!
i flew over to KL 3 days before my flight to finish up on my overseas shopping needs and to visit grandma.
Style: Ultra Compact
Resolution: 4:3, 16:9, 3:2
File Formats: JPEG
Memory Cards: Memory Stick™ Duo, Memory Stick PRO Duo™
Focal Length Equivalent: 35 – 140mm
Shutter Speed: 1 to 1/1000 seconds
Aperture: f3.5 - 4.6
Sensitivity: Auto, 100, 200, 400, 800, 1600, 3200
White Balance Settings: Auto, Daylight, Cloudy, Fluorescent1,
Fluorescent2, Fluorescent3, Incandescent, Flash
Exposure Compensation: -2EV to +2EV (in 1/3EV steps)
LCD Screen: 3 inches
Flash Modes: Auto, Forced Flash, Slow Syncro, No Flash
Flash Range: 2.9m
Shooting Modes: Twilight, Twilight Portrait, Twilight using a tripod, Backlight, Backlight Portrait, Landscape, Macro, Portrait
Maximum Movie Resolution: 1280 x 720 pixels
Maximum Movie Frames Per Second: 30 fps
Maximum Movie Duration: To capacity of memory card
Macro Focus: 8cms
Metering: Multi Pattern, Centre weighted, Spot
Image Stabilisation: Yes
Lens Converters: No
Self Timer: 10 seconds or 2 seconds
Video Out (TV Playback): Yes
Computer Connection: Yes
Batteries: Lithium ion
Dimensions: 93.6 x 57.2 x 15mm
all in all, i just loveeee this piece of tech so much haha
dad and my aunt Connie (dad’s younger sister) up front
cousin Julian whom i haven’t seen for almost 2 months like that
he’s 16 and taller than 20 year old me ady :(
was great seeing grandma again, isn’t she just beautiful? :]
but the sad part was she didn’t remember who i was
can’t blame her tho, i haven’t visited her in a long time and with age, Alzheimer's creeping in real quickly
least she still remembers her own younger sister and children :]
sadly, i was mostly quiet in one corner tho, cause everyone else was speaking Foochow and i’m sure most of everyone knows how unFoochow-ish i am eventho i’m pure Foochow
yeah, i’m the odd one out heh
Julian’s mostly quiet but definitely loud and cheery around his close friends
he studies under soft lighting (which is bad for the eyes) and honestly, i don’t really know much about him cause i don’t keep in touch with him and all
but otherwise, he’s a really nice and subtle person chat fun poking with
lovin’ the camera!
the camera comes with a free 4GB memory stick duo, free leather a camera case, a free 10cm tall tripod, a free mp3 player (with a top up of only RM29) and a lovely small fold-up box thingie that looks like this
its flat like this and you
open it up and prop it like this
and then you turn it over and zip the bottom, letting it take a cubic shape like this
check out inside where there’s a piece that partitions the box
that uses buttons like this
and by zipping the top, voila!
these would be how the macro and stuff looks like
you judge :]
owh, and i also bought a couple more pairs of long Johns, more medicine, had a great time chatting with my aunt about my family’s background and even got my International Student Identification Card registered and done :]
all packed and ready to go… i think