me left, me came back, unsure for how long

more often than not, i have been told that I am the perfect kind of guy my lady-friends would want.

no, not saying this to boast, but i have a point i'm getting to by the end of this post.

in light of what i've been told, it then leads me to my next question:

if i WERE the kind of guy for you, then why is it that i'm so easily friendzoned?

they say, "oh it cause we have history. we grew up together. you're more like a bro to me and someone i can run to for advise and guidance in terms of relationships and life stuff"

hmm... point taken. i'm your whore for advise and help when you need it. ok. that's fine by me.

this leads me to the next thing i've been told tho.

my lady-friends (more than one, that is) have taken the liberty to explain why i'm prone to being friendzoned.

their answer? i'm too nice a guy.

no, not the creepy-nice kind of guy. but the kind of nice guy whom a female friend would come running to about her problems in relationships and life, whilst having full confidence that i'd have set up boundaries from being a rebound for her. yeah, i'm just that kind of a guy i guess.

generally (to my understanding), girls want a gentleman. someone who listens, give sound advice, helps, is considerate in what he says or does, is all-rounded, and have nothing more than good intentions with personal agendas and motives aside when it comes to caring for them.

i honestly do see myself as all that. and no, what i see in myself isn't self-measured. i know for sure simply because of the external confirmations i have been receiving for years on end now about the kind of guy i am towards my lady-friends. yet at the same time, i am told that the above characteristics attributes to me being friendzoned.

yes, i'm damned confused with what works and what doesn't haha. 

SA - a junior of mine in college and a girl who's like a bro to me haha. realistic and very down-to-earth

SA: Moses, you're too nice to girls. you gotta learn how to ignore them once in a while. what's more is that you're not 'bad' enough. girls like the 'bad-boy' factor they see in guys. it gives them the impression that you're mysterious, there's more to you to discover, and that you'd be able to provide them a sense of security. There's this Chinese saying, 男人不坏，女人不爱 (guy not 'bad' enough, women no love).

CF - a close female-friend of mine who pretty much knows me inside-out because i tell her pretty much everything that comes to mind. i allow myself the liberty of being an open book for her to read and understand. mutually, we're each other's confidants and rarely would you find someone of the opposite sex who understands you intimately, yet isn't emotionally nor physically intimate with you.

CF: i'm starting to think you're almost always friendzoned because you'd clarify that you are just a friend that closes future doors on the possibility of friendship blossoming into something further. not that it's a bad thing that you're such a gentleman. but i think it contributes to you being friendzoned.

i've also been made known a list of negative reinforcements i should be using to get a girl:

- don't care too much for her (pretty vague, i know - how much is too much?)

- ignore her at some point of the courting process

- neglect her and she'll come crawling back to you

- stay 'mysterious' to keep her wondering

- do all this and then come back in, showing her how much you're sorry and that you really do care so as to show her your sensitive side.

honestly, fuck that.

i'm not that sort of a person to pursue using negative reinforcements.

but i guess there is a sliver of truth within the views both SA and CF provided. 

then again, this is what i think:

i've forgotten but i just remembered that there just ISN'T any set way to get a guy or girl - what works and what doesn't.

it's just stuff people say to seem smart in something that you don't even need rules to abide by.

plus, in retrospect, another friend suggested how most relationships that abides by the negative reinforcements above usually do end up in break-ups by a large margin, no? that speaks truth to me, really.

depending on who you work it out with, you make the rules. you both do. and what works is whatever and however things work between the both of you. you don't need some trash magazine to DO THIS or DO THAT to get a girl or guy, really. ball's in your court, just hoop it.

so no, i don't see the point of being flustered about what does or doesn't work in getting a girl anymore.

i'd like to think that this is who i am and there's nothing bad at all with the kind of characteristics i have.

i've been in three different relationships before. and no, nothing more on the side, never. it's not about the number of relationships. but more so the fact that i used what i have in me, to get a girl still, no (even though they all still ended nonetheless)?

unlike most other people (i feel), i know what i DON'T WANT in a relationship. which explains why i've been single since for over a year now since my last breakup. and also the reason why ever since coming here to the US now for 3 years, i haven't had any flings, nor hook-ups with girls here. it just isn't what i want, something as shallow as that. what i want is a wholesome, fulfilling relationship which bring constant, successive levels of growth between 'her' and I. the sky's the limit as to the growth a couple can achieve, really. THAT is that i want. what's more is that the next relationship i have would be something that i AM looking to ultimately lead into marriage and so forth (with nothing to do with the 50% American probability of couples getting divorced, that is).

i've decided that if i were to pursue a girl (in which i haven't done for the past 2 years now), i'd do nothing more than to portray my characteristical (yes, i just made up my own word) goods. if she doesn't like it, she's free to walk away. if she does, then we'll see where it goes from there.

all in all, i know what i don't want in a relationship and being friendzoned just means that there's tons more room for growth in being just friends with them ladies. nothing more, nothing less.

sounds implausibly positive. but hey, it's realistic enough for me.